Oh happy Monday! The day has passed by so quickly and already I have to go to
work. I have such a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach as today I got a few “hard
to stomach” text messages from my darling ex-husband (to be). This issue that I will
soon be faced with is going to require lots and lots and lots of prayer. For a lot of
different reasons, and for a lot of different people. DIVORCE. My stomach turns
when I say that word. There are a lot of emotions attached to it and where I once
didn’t have to feel any of them as long as I could stay high.. Now I feel everything
and I have to decide which tool I will pull out of the bag that is called coping
mechanisms. I usually choose the Lord, for he is my greatest strength, but I am not
always aware of the need for Him and sometimes I will quickly grab anger, or guilt,
or shame. Those are the ones that aren’t even supposed to be in my bag. But they
are. I have to leave to go to work soon but I just wanted to take a minute to get this
out. To lighten the load if only just a tiny bit. As I get ready for work I will talk with
the Lord and share my heart. I will give it all to Him and ask for his guidance. I will
pray for wisdom in my decision-making knowing that I will need His wisdom.
Relying on my own will surely fail me. I need the Lord to get through this for sure
and I am so grateful that God loves me so much that it was in His plan all along that
I would not have to deal with this matter (for real) until I was strong enough in Him
to know that I am so incapable in my selfish human ways to conquer a thing so big
without the guidance of my Savior.
Here is to being still and knowing He is God.